"The typical gambler might not really understand the probabilistic nuances of the wheel or the dice, but such things seem a bit more tractable than, say, trying to raise a child in this lunatic society of ours." -Arthur S. Reber, The New Gambler 's Bible

Nine gamblers could not feed a single rooster. -Yugoslav proverb

"Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit."-R. E. Shay

"A gambler with a system must be, to a greater or lesser extent, insane." George Augustus Sala (1828-95) English writer and journalist

"Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something."-Wilson Mizner

"I am sorry I have not learned to play cards. It is very useful in life. It generates kindness and consolidates society." -Samuel Johnson

"In the case of an earthquake hitting Las Vegas, be sure to go straight to the keno lounge. Nothing ever gets hit there." -An anonymous casino boss

"Remember this: The house doesn't beat the player. It just gives him the opportunity to beat himself." -Nicholas (Nick the Greek) Dandalos

"You know what luck is? Luck is believing you're lucky...to hold front position in this rat-race you've got to believe you're lucky."
-Stanley Kowalski, A Streetcar Named Desire

"The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet." -Grantland Rice

"Don't gamble the rent money or you'll land up sleeping on the park bench." -Capt. Summer Fun, Ret.

"Blackjack is the only casino game an amateur can learn to play and at which he can definitely win." -Lawrence Revere, author, Playing Blackjack as a Business

"Gambling is the future on the internet. You can only look at so many dirty pictures." -Simon Noble, an Austrian-based internet bookmaker

"When we put 50 machines in, I consider them 50 more mousetraps. You have to have a mousetrap to catch a mouse." -Bob Stupak, former Las Vegas casino owner

Noting his mother's visit to Las Vegas the weekend before she died. "She got to go to heaven four days early." -President Bill Clinton

"A lottery is a salutary instrument and a tax.laid on the willing only, that is to say, on those who can risk the price of a ticket without sensible injury, for the possibility of a higher prize." -Thomas Jefferson

"You cannot beat a roulette table unless you steal money from it." -Albert Einstein

"A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way." -Mark Twain

They were burying a high-roller in Las Vegas and a few of his gambling cronies were gathered grave side when the minister said; "Gus is merely sleeping." His best friend was heard muttering: "I've got a hundred that says he's dead."

"Stop cheating!" the dealer told the card player.
"I'm not!" claimed the player.
"You must be," said the dealer. "That is not the hand that I dealt you."

"Suckers have no business with money anyway." -Canada Bill Jones, Legendary Three-card Monte Dealer

"Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry."-George Ade

"At that point I ought to have gone away, but a strange sensation rose up in me, a sort of defiance of fate, a desire to challenge it, to put out my tongue at it. I laid down the largest stake allowe-four thousand gulden-and lost it. Then, getting hot, I pulled out all I had left, staked it on the same number, and lost again, after which I walked away from the table as though I were stunned. I could not even grasp what had happened to me." Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Gambler

"If I had the money and the drinking capacity, I'd probably live at a roulette table and let my life go to hell." -Michael Ventura

"Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed." -Mark Twain

The Wampanoag Tribe has a machine, and they say, "It's completely idiot proof." I told them they've got it all wrong. I want a machine that is "idiot friendly." Former Massachusetts Governor William F. Weld

"The subject of gambling is all encompassing. It combines man's natural play instinct with his desire to know about his fate and his future." -Franz Rosenthal, Gambling in Islam (1975)

"He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces." -Mark Twain

"When I played pool I was like a good psychiatrist. I cured 'em of all their daydreams and delusions. -Minnesota Fats

"My advice to the unborn is, don't be born with a gambling instinct unless you have a good sense of probabilities." -Jack Dreyfus of Dreyfus Mutual Fund

In a bet there is a fool and a thief. -Proverb

"Gambling is a principle inherent in human nature." -Edmund Burke, in a speech before the House Of Commons (1780)

"Look high, look low, and we see that gamblers actually form the majority of the world's inhabitants." -James Runciman, Side Lights (1893)

"They (slot machines) sit there like young courtesans, promising pleasures undreamed of, your deepest desires fulfilled, all lusts satiated." -Frank Scoblete

"Even as I approach the gambling hall, as soon as I hear, two rooms away, the jingle of money poured out on the table, I almost go into convulsions." -Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Gambler (1867)

"A number of moralists condemn lotteries and refuse to see anything noble in the passion of the ordinary gambler. They judge gambling as some atheists judge religion, by its excesses." -Charles Lamb, Essays of Elia (1832)

"No wife can endure a gambling husband unless he is a steady winner." -Lord Dewar

Something to moan out between grinding teeth after this political season. "Didn't I warn you-Huh-Didn't I tell you one of 'em was going to win!?? So now, what do we do?" -Jack Norris

"The racetrack is a place where windows clean people." -VP Pappy

"The smarter you play, the luckier you'll be." -Mark Pilarski

"Gaming corrupts our disposition and teaches us a habit of hostility against all mankind." -Thomas Jefferson
Accordingly, he kept meticulous records of his backgammon and card winnings.

A problem gambler was urged by a counselor to take the 20-question test for compulsive gambling. Upon completing it, the subject commented; "Boy, Gamblers Anonymous must be hard up for new members. They make qualifying so easy."

"The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket." - Kin Hubbard

I hope to break even this week. I need the money. -VETERAN LAS VEGAS GAMBLER

"The only difference between a winner and a loser is character." - Nick the Greek

"We got an education when in 1992 Wolfgang Puck opened Spago in the Forum Shops in Caesars Palace and proved to us that people will line up to get good food." -Steve Wynn
"But, Steve, if you bring back a $3.49 prime rib buffet, you'll have lines out the casino front door and down Las Vegas Blvd." -Mark Pilarski

This quote crossed my desk this week from a reader. Those of you with the same passion and affliction for betting motor sports as I might enjoy it.
"Race fans, I had inferred from my one trip to the Brickyard 400, fell into one of two categories: tattooed, shirtless, sewer-mouthed drunks, and their husbands." -Steve Ruchin, Sports Illustrated

"Nobody is always a winner, and anybody who says he is, is either a liar or doesn't play poker." -Amarillo Slim

"The best bet you get is an even break." -Franklin Pierce Adams

***"Games in which all may win, such games remain as yet in this world uninvented." Herman Melville, The Confidence Man (1857)

"Although it may seem to be a contradiction in terms, gambling is as spiritual as praying. Both activities seek devine affirmation and reversal of fortune." -Kathryn Gabriel

"Today is Halloween which would be every card counter's favorite holiday if you could get away with wearing a mask. Oh, what a joy it would be to hear a floor man muttering into a phone, "I think Batman is counting." -Barry Meadow

"Beware, above all, of the man who simply tells you he broke even. He is the big winner." -Anthony Holden, Big Deal (1990)

"After getting bounced from Harrah's, I'm so concerned about getting kicked out that my game has become more conservative than Rush Limbaugh." -Barry Meadow, Blackjack Autumn

"Your best chance to get a Royal Flush in a casino is in the bathroom." -VP Pappy (A crusty old sage that still roams the Green Felt Jungles in Detroit)

"The best bet you get is an even break." -Franklin Pierce Adams

"Am I the only one that thinks a craps table looks like a large, open coffin?" VP Pappy

"North Vegas is where you go if you're a hooker turning forty and the syndicate men on the strip decide you're no longer much good for business out there with the high rollers." -Hunter S. Thompson

"The rulers of the country generally believed that betting eliminates strikes. Men had to work in order to gamble." -Michael Ondaatje, Running the Family

"The subject of gambling is all encompassing. It combines man's natural play instinct with his desire to know about his fate and his future." -Franz Rosenthal, Gambling in Islam (1975

"Son, we are sorry about the tuition funds...your mother and I did not know you are not supposed to split tens..." -Letters home from people visiting Reno.

Men are probably nearer the central truth in their superstitions than in their science. - Henry David Thoreau

"With the perverse logic of a degenerate gambler he figured God was testing his faith." -Mario Puzo, Inside Las Vegas

"Italians come to ruin most generally in three ways, women, gambling, and farming. My family chose the slowest one." -Pope John XXIII

"If I lose today, I can look forward to winning tomorrow, and if I win today, I can expect to lose tomorrow. A sure thing is no fun." -Chico Marx

Astrologers make claims for themselves; yet I have never seen an astrologer who was lucky at gambling, nor were those lucky who took their advice." -Gerolamo Cardano (c.1520)

"A week in Vegas is like tumbling into a Time Warp, a regression to the late fifties." -Hunter S. Thompson

"In today's market, a new slot machine ain't worth squat if it's not based on either a game show or a celebrity of some sort." -Anthony Curtis, Strictly Slots

"Las Vegas is not renowned as a literary town. In fact, the word "book" around here, 90% of the time is a verb." -Deke Castleman

"Guessing has never been widely acclaimed as a good gambling strategy." -Dr. G

In Atlantic City, N.J., elderly gamblers got flu shots Monday at Bally's Park Place ballroom while slot machines jangled in the next room. Nurses said the shot could cause soreness in their arms, but many replied they would work it out by pulling the slot machine handle.

"I believe in luck. How else can you explain the success of those you dislike?" -Jean Cocteau

"If you ain't just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich or you haven't studied the games enough." VP Pappy

"The dice of God are always loaded." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It is the mark of an inexperienced man not to believe in luck." - Joseph Conrad

"Gamblers play just as lovers make love and drunkards drink-blindly and of necessity, under domination of an irresistible force." -Anatole France, The Garden of Epicurus (1926

"The exhilaration of this form of economic existence is beyond my power to describe." -Nick "The Greek" Dandalos

"After five days in Vegas you feel like you've been here for five years." -Hunter S. Thompson

"He's an honest man. You could shoot craps with him over the phone." -Earl Wilson

"The pro's primary objective is to win money. Enjoying himself in the process is a welcome, but not altogether essential, requirement." -Don Schlesinger

"Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a lifetime, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her." -Mark Twain

"Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect." -Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"He loved gambling for its own sake, like moralists love virtue for its own sake." George Devol, on "Canada" Bill Jones

"Let me tell you, there's no better medicine than a friendly card game for sloughing off the cares of a workaday world." Paul Auster, The Music of Chance (1990)

"I have always wondered if the results of the Versailles Conferences would have been different if Woodrow Wilson had been a poker player." -Clyde Brion Davis Quoted in A. D. Livingston, Poker Strategy and Winning Play

"When a gambler picks up a pack of cards or a pair of dice, he feels as though he has reduced an unmanageable world to a finite, visible and comprehensive size." -Annabel Davis-Goff, The Literary Companion to Gambling

"My last piece of advice to the degenerate slot player who thinks he can beat the one-armed bandit consists of four little words: "It can't be done." -John Scarne

"In the beginning, everything was even money." -Mike Caro, Mike Caro on Gambling (1984)

"A dollar won is twice as sweet as a dollar earned." -Paul Newman, The Color of Money

"One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds." -Dan Bennett

"Gambling itself will only end when human nature has changed completely and there are no more bets to win." -Harold S. Smith Sr., I Want to Quit Winners

"I've learned the lesson that the worst thing that can happen to a gambler is to let his recent losses or wins knock him off keel emotionally." -Andrew Beyer

"Wine loved I deeply, dice dearly." William Shakespeare, King Lear (1606)

"A Smith & Wesson beats four aces." -American Proverb

"A gambler is a man who will pay his gambling debts even when he knows he has been cheated." Leo Tolstoy

One of the more legendary gamblers of all time was a Three-Card Monte dealer named Canada Bill. His gambling immortality does not rest on his gambling prowess, nor his formidable wins or losses. He is remembered by a single line he once uttered on the Mississippi, a phrase recited by a myriad of gamblers since. Bill was losing his entire bankroll at Faro when a friend approached and said, "Bill, don't you know this game is crooked?" "Yes," answered Canada Bill, "but it's the only game in town."

"The casinos believe in math (and I don't mean numerology).They believe in the power of percentages and short pays, not in the power of magic stones, amulets and omens." -Frank Scoblete

"It sure gets lonely in casinos. No, that's not it. Casinos sure are a place for lonely people." -Jesse May (Shut Up And Deal)

"For the true gambler, money is never an end in itself. It's a tool, like language or thought." -Lancey, The Cincinnati Kid

"It's not luck-there's probably no such thing as luck, and if there is you can't depend on it. All you can do is play percentages, play your best game, and when that critical bet comes-in every money game there is always a critical bet-you hold your stomach tight and push hard." -Bert, The Hustler (1961)

"I love Vegas. God knows that I know how to find my way around the buffets in Las Vegas." -Rick Majerus, Utah Utes college basketball coach

"They are the new breed of slot machine-colorful, fancy, exciting, wonderful...and deadly." -Frank Scoblete

"All passions produce prodigies. A gambler is capable of watching and fasting, almost like a saint." Simon Weil, The Big Room (1986)

"Neither I nor anyone else can guarantee you will win. If someone tells you they can, do not believe them. Run making sure you have a death grip on your wallet." -Ken Pearlman

"Why otherwise would that dignified fellow dressed like a banker be sitting at a slot machine murmuring; "Talk to me baby, I know you understand my needs." -Roger Fleming

"The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown." -Bernard Shaw

"The majority of casino players leave to much to chance when playing in a casino. To put it bluntly, they don't have a clue as to how to play." -Henry Tamburin, gambling author

"Judged by the dollars spent, gambling is now more popular in America than baseball, the movies, and Disneyland-combined." -Timothy L. O'Brien, Bad Bet (1998)

"They gambled in the Garden of Eden, and they will again if there's another one." -Richard Albert Canfield

"The best use for a roulette table that I can think of is that it would make a great dining room table with a Lazy-Susan at one end." -VP Pappy

"I am now eased in my finances and replenished in my wardrobe." -Andrew Jackson after winning a horse race.

"Investing should be more like watching paint dry or grass grow. If you want excitement, take $800 and go to Las Vegas." -Paul Samuelson, Nobel economist

"In the queer mess of human destiny the determining factor is luck. For every important place in life there are many men of fairly equal capacities. Among them luck decides who shall accomplish the great work, who shall be crowned with laurel, and who shall fall back into silence and obscurity."-William E. Woodward

"I try to cajole good draws out of the machine in video poker, like the machine can hear me. Come on, one more Ace! One more Ace and no one gets hurt!" -Frank Legato

"If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?" -Stanislaw J. Lec

"It can be argued that man's instinct to gamble is the only reason he is still not a monkey up in the trees." -Mario Puzo, Inside Las Vegas

"Casinos and prostitutes have the same thing in common; they are both trying to screw you out of your money and send you home with a smile on you face." -VP Pappy

The racetrack is a place where windows clean people. -unknown

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